Close to death
by AlessaLoveless
Summary: The Story is Finally edited. Enjoy and please review.
1. Close to death

**LOVELESS**

_!!: I do not own Loveless...Even doh im truely in love with Soubi and Ritsuka..hehehe...well any other characters that is not in the anime IS MINE...so chill and don't sew me.. o _

**Chapter 1 **

"Ritsuka are u ok?" Soubi felt Ritsuka tremble as they got near the boys house. Ritsuka had been extremely quiet. Even when he was always so serious, it had surprised him about Ritsukas behavior today. He had even kissed him and had not been pushed away as always. On the contrary Ritsuka had kissed back leaving a very confused but pleased Soubi.This was not like Ritsuka; the boy had always kept a distance between them. Soubi didn't complain, his first thought was to be happy to find out Ritsuka was finally accepting him.

Ritsuka looked up at Soubi and smiled. Soubi was taken aback. On rare occasions did he see Ritsuka smile, but given to how weird today had been with Ritsuka he would not comment on the boys actions but simply enjoy while it lasted.

"Yeah...just a bit cold." Said Ritsuka answering soubi question.

Soubi saw a twinge of sadness in the boy's eyes or had imagined it for it was not there anymore. Soubi took off his fur jacket and put it over Ritsukas shoulders.

"There, so you wont be cold anymore" Soubi said with a smile. Soubi didn't notice Ritsuka look away with tears in his eyes. They rounded a corner and arrived at Ritsuka's house.Soubi took Ritsukas small face with his hand.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

"I love you Ritsuka" Soubi said looking into the boys eyes before lowering down his head and kissing Ritsukas swiftly on the mouth. When Soubi looked at the boy he noticed he was blushing furiously. He smiled.

"See you tomorrow my love." He said before parting off to his own house.

"If there is one" Ritsuka whispered. But Soubi was to far away to hear.

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

Ritsuka walked inside the house. Everything was dark. Not even one light was on inside. Ritsuka let out a heavy sigh. 'At least she's not here yet' he thought. He brought up his arm to see the time and noticed he still had on Soubis fur jacket. 'I'll give it back later.' He started walking toward the stairs deciding he would take a bath and go to bed. As he arrived to the stairs he saw a shadow before the steps.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

"Where have you been, I made your favorite food and you did not arrive"

Ritsuka couldn't see her expression since it was dark. But her tone was calm. Which meant, maybe he would get away without a scratch today. Or so he thought.

"I went to the park for a whi..." Ritsuka didn't get to finish. His mother had pinned him to the wall.

"You are not my Ritsuka!, he would have come straight home after school!"

"What have you done to my Ritsuka!!, Give him back!" she said smacking him hard across the face.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_And you bleed just to know you're alive_

He tried to avoid her blows. But it was useless. She threw him to the floor and kicked him hard in the stomach.

"I want my Ritsuka back!" She said yelling and crying at the same time.

Ritsuka kept receiving the blows in his stomach making him letch all over the floor.

"You dirty filth!" She took Ritsuka by the hair making him look at her.

"Its your fault Semeis gone!, Its your fault Ritsukas gone! What have you done to my family you disgusting demon boy!" She grabbed his throat and made him stand up.

"You killed my family!" She said now sobbing but not letting go of his throat.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

Ritsuka was already getting dizzy from need of oxygen. 'I know mom' he thought. 'I wish I could be the old Ritsuka. I know I don't belong here. But I'm trying. I'm trying very hard to be who I really am. But I just can't remember.' His eyes started feeling up with tears. 'I wish it would all end.'

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

But as he said it in his mind he noticed his mother had something in her hand. His eyes grew big as he saw what it was. He tried franticly to loosen himself from her grip. But it only made him dizzier. He didn't know what to do, but the next moment he felt oxygen once again filling his lungs. 'His mother had released his throat.' But then he felt a sharp blade run threw his arm. He grabbed where his mother had just cut him with the knife and tried to run.

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

But his mother caught his arm before he could escape. And he was pinned once more to the wall. His eyes grew distant as he looked down to where his mothers hands were. The knife was completely embedded threw his abdomen. He started sliding to the floor. His mother backed away looking at her hands.

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am…_

"Give me back my Ritsuka! Give him back to me, be gone demon from hell! And give me back my Ritsuka!!" She whispered once again looking at him.

_I just want you to know who I..._

_am_

Ritsuka looked into her eyes and saw, as hers grew big.

"Ritsuka" She whispered before turning around and leaving the house.

Ritsuka grabbed the knife that was still stuck into him and pulled it out yelling in pain.

"So...this i..is...it" he said almost inaudibly. 'Am I going to be with you again Semei?.' "Are we going to be together again...onii-chan." he whispered. While the blood started soaking the jacket Soubi had barrowed him and began dripping on the floor beside him.

* * *

Soubi 

Soubi was almost near his apartment when he noticed he was missing something. His jacket. He dug into his pocket reaching for his cell phone. He would call Ritsuka to advise him he was going to get his jacket. Soubi marked the number and waited for Ritsuka to answer as he had already started walking towards Ritsukas house again. 'Anything to see him again' He smiled to himself. But as he tried calling Ritsuka twice already the boy did not answer his phone. Soubi tried one more time and sighed when he heard the click which meant the connection between the phones.

"Ritsuka I'm going over to get my...Ritsuka?" Soubi didn't get an answer. The only thing he heard was some heavy breathing.

"Ritsuka are you alright?" still he didn't receive an answer. Instead he heard someone pressing a button twice. Now Soubi was getting really worried.

"Ritsuka is it you?" he heard the sound of a button again but this time it was pressed only once. Soubi stared at his cell phone in confusion. He brought it back to his ear and he noticed the breathing was becoming heavier, turning into pants.

"Ritsuka are you hurt?" Then he heard a button again.

"Is that a yes?" and again he heard it. Soubi was alarmed. 'Was Ritsuka hurt enough to make him enabled to speak?'.

"Ritsuka don't end the call keep with me" he heard a soft moan from the other side. Soubi started running toward '_his_' Ritsukas house.

"Ritsuka I'm almost there" the boy's situation was alarming. Soubi noticed Ritsuka's breathing was getting very slow, as if he was having difficulty doing so. Soubi saw Ritsuka's house from a distance.

"I'm almost there, don't worry" He said it more to himself than to the phone.

Soubi arrived to the front door and frowned slightly for it was half way open already. All the lights were off but he could see something a few steps away on the floor. He lowered his hand in which he had the cell phone and started walking towards the figure on the floor. 'Please be okay, please be okay.' He kept repeating in his mind.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now _

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight _

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's meant to be broken  
I just want you to know _

_who I am ..._

* * *

**AN**_  
_

_ Song from: Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris"._

_ Hope you Like the changes I made. It's a few I know but it'll do for now. I'm thinking of writing a new Loveless story. But im still writing a Naruto story which will be very long. So i'm still thinking about it. Well enjoy and please don't hate me. _

* * *


	2. Shall I say Goodbye or Goodnight

Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.

Please forgive any spelling and grammar errors

**Thanxs for the reviews. I'll try to do my best so know one gets bored with my stories.**

**: Hey and some respect here. Ya know. I accept I'm not a good writer. But sniff. Compassion please. HEHE…Redone. Fixed all the errors I found necessary to fix. So Read the story cause it means I changed the hole story It was a completely fced up story.**

_**Sigh…sometimes the truth hurts. But considering I'm saying this to myself I guess its not so bad…**_

_**Chapter 2**_

"_**Shall I say goodbye or good night?"**_

Soubi couldn't believe what he was seeing. His Ritsuka, his Love. There was blood all over the place, from the wall to the floor. He looked down upon the boy who had not even looked up. Soubi suspected that in the boys state he had not noticed Soubi was in front of him.

"Ritsuka?" Soubi said softly kneeling down and lifting the boys' head.

Ritsuka eyes were almost closed. His face had smudges of blood on it and there was a large bruise underneath his right eye. Soubi had to restrain himself from looking away. He had to be strong for Ritsuka.

"Sou..bi" Ritsuka choked out. Soubi grabbed the cell phone and started calling Kio for he was the only person he new that could help. On the second ring Kio had picked up the phone and Soubi had told him his location so he could pick him up immediately. After that, he took Ritsuka into his arm and lifted him up slowly.

"Ritsuka stay with me, you hear me. You cant fall asleep okay, just stay with me" Ritsukas eyes Soubi noticed where opening and closing as Ritsuka was fighting back to keep awake.

"That's it Ritsuka, stay with me" Ritsuka was hearing Soubi voice from far away.

'Soubi why? Why is this happening? Will I be with Semei again? Then I'll die happy Soubi. I will be back with onii-chan.'

Soubi was getting very frightened. Why hadn't Kio arrived yet?. Soubi had already walked outside with Ritsuka in his arms. Soubi noticed Ritsuka was fighting his battle to keep awake on occasion already Soubi had to tell him to open his eyes.

Soubi looked up from Ritsukas face when he heard a car arrive. 'Kio.' Soubi walked fast to the car, he opened the door and positioned himself in the back seat with Ritsuka. Kio who had been stunned to see how Ritsuka was drove without any questioning.

Soubi was getting more nervous every minute that passed. His Ritsuka was loosing the battle. Soubi had been restraining himself from looking at Ritsuka. He couldn't. He was loosing his own battle.

"Sou..bi" Ritsuka said softly and without breath before he went into a coughing crisis. Soubi was alarmed he didn't know what to do to help. The only thing he could do was hold him tight. That was until he felt something hot run down his shirt. When he looked at what it was he stared stupefied. His shirt was filled with blood. But blood from Ritsukas wounds and from what he just coughed up.

"So..bi…I..can't…I'm..tir.." Ritsuka tried whispering before going limp in Soubi's arms. Soubi tried telling the boy to keep awake but the boy was already unconscious. But at least he was still breathing even if it was a slow and shallow breath. He looked at the rearview mirror seeing Kio looking at him. Kio nodded understanding. He stepped on the gas until they were going already 110 miles on the free way. Kio thanked the gods that there weren't many cars out.

"We're here!" he said some 5 minutes later stepping on the brakes and making the car skid and lift up some smoke.

Soubi got out of the car rapidly and went running inside the hospital with Ritsuka in arms.

* * *

Two Hours Later.

"Don't you have any information on how he is?!" he asked the nurse at the desk for like the nineteenth time. He had been in the reception with Soubi waiting for news but nobody knew anything. Soubi was talking to the police about Ritsuka. Soubi had recalled everything Ritsuka had once told him about his mother having to take some pills to control her emotions and anger. He had answered some questions and after they left he went back to the reception sitting down on one of the chairs staring out to space.

"Sorry sir but we still have no information; the doctor will be out soon to tell you about the patients' state, so please wait."

Kio walked back to the reception and looked at Soubi. He looked so distant. So not like himself. Well for the fact that Soubi never walked around with blood all over him. He looked tired and worried. His eyes, which normally had a sparkle in their blue gray's depths seemed now darker and empty. It was the first time he saw Soubi in this state. Soubi, the man of ice who never showed more emotions than necessary looked like he was completely broken inside. Kio couldn't hold back his jealousy. He had always been in love with Soubi since high school. But his love had never been corresponded. Instead he saw how Soubi first had fallen for Ritsukas brother Semei who by standards had been a complete jerk.

After Semei's death about two years ago he met Ritsuka months later on Semei's orders. Now he was in love with Ritsuka. Kio couldn't say that Ritsuka was an evil person like his brother had been. Ritsuka was totally different but completely Loveless. It was strange to see how two completely different people could be in love with each other. Soubi had always been a serious but Beloved person, and Ritsuka who was Loveless. But even though he was happy that Soubi had a person that could make him happy he could never keep himself for being jealous.

Kio looked at Soubi a second time and noticed Soubi had a tear running down his cheek. He felt like a black hole had opened up and swallowed him, not knowing how he could help his best friend. He walked over a put his arm over Soubi and started telling him that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

(Ritsuka)

"Semei"

It was very dark. Ritsuka kept walking hoping to find something if not anything. He didn't know what, he just new he had to look. He saw something ahead so he started running trying to catch up to whatever it was. He stopped in his tracks when he saw not what it was if not who it was.  
"Semei" Ritsuka whispered. Ritsuka ran over to him and hugged him.

"Semei, I've missed you." Ritsuka looked up at his brother with tears in his eyes.

"I've missed you too Ritsuka" Semei said smiling down upon his beloved brother. Ritsuka was the only thing he had loved in his entire life. Even if he was different with everybody else. Ritsuka had always received his love and protection.

"I knew you were here. I felt you. I don't understand how but I felt that I'd find you here." he said sobbing into Semei. "Why did you leave me Semei?" he said hugging him tighter.

Semei couldn't explain to Ritsuka the situation he had been in before his death. The boy wouldn't understand. He new Ritsuka had to endure with a lot of stuff when he died. He was the only one that had protected him since he was just a child and without him there he had to protect himself from everything alone. That's why his last will was for Soubi to protect Ritsuka with his life as 'he' once, had done. Even if he despised the man he new that there would be no other he would have asked or trusted.

"I haven't, I've always been with you Ritsuka," he said looking back into his baby brothers eyes. He extended his hands towards Ritsuka's but Ritsuka stopped him.

"Can…can I do something…before...?" Ritsuka looked at Semei and saw that he was smiling.

"Yes you may."

Ritsuka heard some beeping from his side and an intercome from far away anouncing something. He opened his eyes slowly and difficultly and found Soubi sitting right next to him with his head into his hands. He tried to raise his hand to touch Soubi's. But suddenly noticed how heavy they were. His whole body felt heavy. He had a mask over his mouth, which was helping him breathe. And some tubes in his arms, one, which was sending blood to his body. There was a box next to his bed to, which was making the beeping sound. He summoned all the strength he could muster and raised his hand and touched Soubi.

Soubi jumped startled. He looked at Ritsuka and saw his eyes open, well half open. Ritsuka tried to smile but his face felt stiff. Soubi looked at him and Ritsuka noticed how tired and worried Soubi had been. He tried to take the mask off but Soubi stopped him grabbing his hands into his own.

"Don't" was all he said. But Ritsuka new what he had to tell Soubi could not wait.

Ritsuka took his hand away from Soubi's and took the mask off.

"I..want..to tell..you..some..hin" he said taking a large breath after every word.

Soubi tried to stop him from talking by trying to put the mask back on but Ritsuka wouldn't let him. Soubi stopped struggling and looked at Ritsuka.

If it was so important what he was going to tell him well he would listen. There was no point fighting over it knowing how weak he was. He didn't want Ritsuka using up his strength. So he let go of Ritsukas wrist and looked down at him.

"Tell me" Soubi had passed some hours waiting for someone to tell him about Ritsuka's state but when Doctor Jisen had finally gone over to him the news he received was not what he had expected. Ritsuka health was very delicate, more on the verge of death. He didn't even have the strength to tell Ritsuka about his condition. 'What had he expected? The doctor to tell him Ritsuka was all right. That he just had some minor scratches and cuts.' Even he new that was not right. He had seen the wound in Ritsuka's abdomen. He had seen the blood flow from his body. Had he accepted he could lose Ritsuka? 'No!' He told himself. He would never accept it, he couldn't.

"I'm…weak." Ritsuka didn't know how to tell Soubi what he wanted to say. He didn't know where to start.

"You should rest Ritsuka"

"No…Soubi..I..wanted to tell.." He looked away taking a deep breath. "I..lo..love you .." he managed to say.

Soubi looked, as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. His Ritsuka finally accepting their love. If it had been in another circumstance he would have loved to hug the boy and kiss him with joy.

But knowing Ritsuka was in such a bad state he just smiled and kissed the boys forehead.

"I know you do, I love you to Ritsuka" Soubi saw as Ritsuka let out a low sigh and mustered a smile.

"Wi..will you..do..something for me?" he said very low.

Soubi saw that what he was going to ask him was something really important. More than Ritsuka's confess.

"Yes. But you should wait till tomorrow, maybe you'll have more strength and we could talk better.

"No…this can't wait. Soubi…make." He stopped hesitantly. "Make our bond...stronger Soubi." Soubi opened his eyes wide. On occasions he had told the boy this just to see him blush. But one day he really had hoped Ritsuka would accept. But he had never imagined Ritsuka himself asking for it.

"When you are better…we can…for now rest" Soubi said standing up and deciding he would go to the bathroom to wash his face. He pulled up the blanket so Ritsuka wouldn't get cold. But as he did so Ritsuka stopped his hand.

"No..soubi now" Soubi didn't know what to do. This wasn't the moment to be doing things like that.

"Not now Ritsuka you are too weak. When you're better."

Ritsuka lifted himself a little from the bed and looked into his eyes.

"Now, Soubi" He said as firm as he could muster. His body ached all over and he could already feel his wound opening up a little and elbows trying to give away. But he held on to his composure. He needed them to make there bond stronger before anything else would happen.

Soubi looked at him. 'What should I do? I can't he's to weak. I don't want anything to happen to him. I have no choice.' He finally said to himself.

He walked over to the door and locked it without taking his gaze off of Ritsuka.

Ritsuka laid back down letting out an audible sigh. Suddenly he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He looked up and smiled at Soubi. He stared at him for a while not knowing what to do and why Soubi was so hesitantly to do something.

**Warning**: _Lemon! If you are underage and don't even know what a lemon is;_ **Please don't Read!**

P.S Hehe…I suck... Um I mean in the story so don't have bad ideas about… Ughn All of you are perverts anyway. And I feel even more perverted for writing something like this. 'Well on with the story' 

Ritsuka took Soubi's hand and kissed his palm. Soubi drew in breath. This is not going to be easy. Soubi bent down and kissed Ritsuka. He started kissing him lightly but he could already feel the hunger rising in him. Soubi stopped when he heard a thud. Ritsuka had pulled out the tubes that were connected to his arms. Soubi was about to say something but Ritsuka put a finger on his lips.

"I'm okay…can't do anything, with them on" he said a little low. Soubi started getting worried. He didn't want to do something that would make Ritsuka's state worse. But all his senses left as he felt Ritsukas hand under his shirt. He looked at Ritsuka shocked.

He lowered himself down to the hospital bed and laid beside Ritsuka when he moved a little to the side to make a little bit of space. Ritsuka reprimanded a yell when he moved. He wanted this to come out okay. He wanted Soubi to know how much he loved him. He wanted him to know he would always be in his heart. Soubi noticed Ritsuka tense next to him.

"Are you alright Ritsuka?" Ritsuka looked at him and nodded then he smiled.

Soubi took his face with his hand and kissed him once more. Ritsuka instantly opened his mouth and Soubi swore he found wonderland. He explored Ritsuka's mouth completely. Ritsuka had once again put his hands under Soubi's shirt and was caressing his abdomen. Soubi couldn't hold it in he let out a soft moan. He stopped kissing Ritsuka and started giving him butterfly kisses all along his neck. Soubi got to Ritsukas ear and whispered to him.

"I love you" Ritsuka moaned. And let his eyes close. 'I will always love you too Soubi.' He thought. Soubi started lowering his head to the boys shoulder nipping at his flesh. Ritsuka started taking Soubi shirt off and Soubi did the same with his hospital gown. Ritsuka didn't have anything else underneath. Soubi admired his loves beauty. He was well built for a 15 year old. Soubi started kissing his shoulders, then chest going down to his stomach, which was wrapped up with bandages. Ritsuka stopped him when Soubi was about to go downer. Soubi looked at him confused. Ritsuka just smiled.

"I don't know what to do," he whispered. Soubi smiled back and kissed his lovers lips. Soubi moved his left hand down touching Ritsukas chest and stomach. Soubi lowered himself towards his groin and he gasped as he felt what Soubi was doing. It felt so good even though his body ached all over and he felt weak. He loved what he was doing to him. Ritsuka let a loud moan escape his throat. The feeling was so intoxicating and addictive that he needed more.

Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's hair as if telling not to stop. He couldn't bare it anymore; Soubi's tongue making circular motions around his groins head, and the then sucking made his inside feel unreal. There was a burning feeling in the pit of his stomache which kept on building every moment. He gwent stiff holding Soubi's head on the spot and came into his mouth. It was an experience he had never imagined. Soubi rose licking his fingers to what was left of his loves semen. He then came up and kissed him softly on the lips waiting for Ritsuka's invitation. He understood quickly and parted them and once again Soubi was exploring his mouth making him taste his own bittersweet milk.

More and more soft cries and moans were leaving Ritsuka's mouth. Soubi smiled and continued exploring the boy. Ritsuka who seemed like a fast learner raised his hands from Soubis arms and was circling his torso and abdomen going down till he found what he was looking for. Soubi had to stop what he was doing. Feeling Ritsuka tease him, which was making him wild inside. Looking down he saw the boy enjoying himself.

Soubi new he was lucky to have such a beautiful body even if he didn't like people looking at him for so. Soubi grasped Ritsuka's hand and made him grab his groin. It felt so good feeling Ritsuka play with it, making circular motions around it and grabbing it tightly and pumping. Soubi had to hold himself. He new he had to wait a little longer; he wanted to get Ritsuka on the board of extasis before he himself did. He grabbed Ritsukas groin and started pumping it as well. He felt as Ritsuka shuddered with pleasure and heard his soft moans coming threw his mouth. Soubi's hands went to Ritsukas legs parting them and getting in between them. Ritsuka didn't know what was to come but he thought if it was as pleasurable as what Soubi had done to him he would not hold back. Soubi stopped kissing him and put two fingers in his mouth wetting them. Then brought back his lips to his lovers. Ritsuka didn't understand why he had wetted his fingers but soon found out, as he felt something pressing into his anal. Ritsuka looked stunned at Soubi but he only smiled and continued what he was doing. Soubi wanted to be gentle so he started wiggling one finger in. He then looked up at Ritsuka to see his reaction. Ritsuka instead moved a little, feeling uncomfortable. Soubi started moving his finger around relaxing his lovers' muscles. With his moving finger Soubi had touched Ritsuka's prostate making him cry out. Soubi buried his head into Ritsukas shoulder. He had to calm himself down. He wanted Ritsuka to enjoy every moment. Ritsuka moved a bit then called out Soubis name. To be called out by his lover and at a time like this made his groan throb with wanting. Soubi looked at his lover only to find him confused. Soubi smiled.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it did feel uncomfortable for a moment…but not anymore" Soubi smiled at him again and received the smile back. Soubi lowered his head and nibbled his neck. Ritsuka drew in breath. After several minutes of making his lover cry out his name and already haven introduced three fingers stretching him enough Soubi carefully took Ritsukas buttocks and lifted it making his groin touch his anal entry. Ritsuka drew in his breath nervously. Soubi who was afraid of hurting Ritsuka started pushing in softly. He heard as Ritsuka moaned and he shoved himself in completely. He didn't dare move. Ritsuka once again called out his name and Soubi drew back and pumped in again. He heard as Ritsuka let escape another moan. He wouldn't last long. He new it. He was trying so hard to hold it. But the pleasure was unbearable. Soubi started moving in and out slowly than he started going faster. With one of his hands he started pumping Ritsuka's groin to match his thrusts. Ritsuka who had his eyes closed started letting out moans and cries. Soubi new Ritsuka wasn't going to last any longer than he was, so he started moving his hand faster as equaly his thrusts. Ritsuka grabbed Soubi's arms and Soubi let himself go as he felt how his lovers walls tightened, as he too came.

He looked at his stomach, which was filled with Ritsuka's sperm then Soubi looked down upon his love and noticed he was drifting off to sleep.

"I love you Soubi…goodnigh.." he said very low before closing his eyes.

"I love you to Ritsuka, sweet dreams my love" he said kissing Ritsuka before getting off the bed and going into the bathroom. When he got out he picked up Ritsuka's gown and put it on him and pulled the blanket in around him so he wouldn't get cold. After he finished he called a nurse so that she could put back the tubes, which had been connected to his arms. He had to lie and say the tubes had fallen off by Ritsukas movements. She had looked at him suspiciously but did not say anything. After connecting the tubes she had left. Ritsuka had woken up on various occasions crying out in pain. And on some he would just look at Soubi and smile then fall asleep at once. Soubi had been getting worried for he had touched his lover's forehead and had felt it very hot. But the nurse had assured him it was normal and that she had advised Ritsuka's doctor about it and he too had said it was normal for his medications and the injuries he had would cause his fever. He felt uneasy still. But after lunch he decided he would go home and take a bath so on the way he could bring clothes so he wouldn't have to go back again.

* * *

But that had been the last time he ever got to see his Ritsuka. When he had gone to his house for clothes and arrived back he saw doctors rushing towards his loves room. Frightened as he was to see this he went quickly to see what was happening. The fever Ritsuka had, had raised so high making his pressure go up and finally giving him a Cardiac arrhythmia (like a heart attack), people can survive but others die. Ritsuka being so young still didn't have a chance to make it. The doctors told him they had tried there best but to no avail. Instead they had given him a letter they had found beside his bed addressed to him.

Here now standing in front of his loves grave, 4 years later. It had been very hard at first to accept Ritsukas lost. Even now he sometimes closed his eyes and would see the boys face. He new Ritsuka would always be in his heart, he new because Ritsuka had told him so. And he believed in him.

Soubi went over to the flowerpot next to the grave where he had been putting flowers in every time he came. He had been visiting the grave 2 times a month for 3 years already. The first year he had been so drowned in his sorrow he hadn't dared to visit Ritsuka's grave. He had not wanted to accept the boys departure. But after that year he had felt obligated to finally go and visit. Since then he has gone two times a month. He sat down on the floor after replacing the flowers.

He always stayed an hour or two recollecting everything he had done since his last visit. Today he did the same. "…Kio has been a real pain since I graduated last month. He won't stop pestering me about going into art business and auctioning some of my paints.' He looked at the tomb and sighed. "My last paint was of you. And I don't know if I ever want to auction something like that. You were never something to auction out... Plus the paint reminds so much of you. I don't know if that's bad or good. But to me it seems neither." He chuckled a bit. "Even our adopted son looks so much like you. Kio even says that it's like you left a piece of yourself behind for me" He and Kio had started going out last year. And they had decided to adopt a child, so that's what they had done.

But to their surprise the boy they had adopted had a great resemblance to Ritsuka with black raven hair and big eyes. But the child's eyes were a blue gray just like Soubi's. The boy was only 4 years old. But it seemed to him like if it was there child. Soubi kept on talking about how little Sourits had put a lollipop into Kio's hair and about how he would have wished Ritsuka had met Souri-kun. Soubi stood up after finishing talking. He looked at the grave and said very low, "You know, they found her. She was hiding in an old beat up building. They asked if I would press charges against her. Of course she has to pay to what she did to you. But I told them that I wouldn't. Instead I'm paying for her clinic and treatment. I know it would be what you wanted me to do. After everything she still _is_ your mother." A big breezed passed by bringing some words with it. "I will always love you Soubi" Soubi smiled closing his eyes. 'And you'll always be in my heart Ritsuka.'

_Dear Soubi_

_I want you to know that even as I am gone, I will never be from your heart. I'm still there and forever will be until the end of time. I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't get to say it earlier. We would have had more time together and I regret it. While we tightened are bond I gave you something I had never given to anyone else. My life, my soul, my spirit and my everything. Please keep on with life and don't let yourself become Loveless as I once had done. _

_We choose who we want to be. We are not made to be anyone except ourselves. You're not Beloved, if not, you are love itself. _

_You made me love again Soubi. You made me happy. So will come the time that you will have to love again. Your love for me will always be there as will mine. It will never leave. But a heart is meant to be loved by another. Sometimes we have the people we need under our noses even if we do not notice. You will understand in time what it means. Don't change; just be yourself no matter what. Baka!_

_With Love,_

_Aoyagi Ritsuka_


End file.
